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"The Colbert Report"

February 14, 2007 - by Ilyse

Hey guys!
I'm posting from inside the Colbert Report studio/holding area.
I came down from class around 330, and the gate was locked. I met Karen and her friend and we hung out outside. We met another girl and we chatted for a while. Mark then came outside and asked if we had tickets. We all said yes, and he brought us inside (probably because it's snowing/hailing). We came inside and sat down and Mark took down our names in the order we showed up, so we can get tickets accordingly. We sat down for a while, and then some people came into the room with some staff and the stage manager. They put a mic on some lady (who looked like joan roberts) and they went outside. They filmed something, the cutest puppy in the world came out and licked us all and sat on my backpack, and was just cute.
Now we're sitting here, waiting for everyone to get here/the show to start.
The other girl just got here, and we're gonna chill/talk.

I'll update later, when the show's over. Peace!!

Yay! Updates!

I'm back in my nice warm room now, and I shall share the Colbert Love with you. We were sitting in the holding room, and MArk came out and talked with Kelsey (the other girl). We were talking with him for about 10 minutes, and he really is as nice as everyone says. He kept thanking us for actually coming to the show, what with the hail/snow and all. We were talking about the ColBoard and creepy fangirls and his upcoming interview with the NoFactZone Blog (he was making fun of the fact that he has to go through Comedy Central for everything like that). We were telling him how great the NFZ Blog is, and how I love the site. He told us some stuff that I can't repeat, but everyone will find out soon enough (I'll edit this once it comes out).

We were there for a couple of hours, they gave us tickets and I was number 3. We were just standing around, talking, looking at the OSCLA banner that they have hanging in the holding room.

The audience girl did the usual "Don't ask for stuff from Stephen, hold your pee, clap really fast, etc." talk, and we were let in. We got in and we were sitting front center, and Mark thanked us again for coming. Kelsey and I were dancing in our seats (I refused to actually get up and dance) and then the warm-up guy came out. It was a different guy than the last 2 times (Not Pete or Paul, some red-headed dude) He was alright, he made fun of some guy who works in Conn., he made fun of my lip ring, he made fun of Bush and then he made fun of the French. He asked if there were any French people in the audience, and Kelsey said she was French by heratige (which comes into play later). The warmup guy gave out tshirts, after asking some trivia questions. Then Mark the stage-manager came out and did his whole "laugh, chuckle, gah-faw..." speech, and then the warmup guy introduced Stephen. He came out, did the usual 'high-five the front row' thing, and this time I was ready for it, and got an actual high-five both times. He then asked if anyone had any questions, and I raised my hand. He was right in front of me, and it was awkward and I asked if I should stand up. He said "What ever you want." So I did (I was also the only one who stood, I'm so ballsy) and said "My friend went down to Florida with his acappella group, and when he passed throught South Carolina, he went to the restaurant where your portrait is hanging..." He said "Right, Sticky Fingers." And I continued "Well, he called me to say he tried to get a picture of it for me, but it was on loan to an art museum...." He said "Yeah the ::mumble mumble:: museum" And I said "Seriously? An art museum?" He said "Yeah, What's your question?" "I said "That sort of was my question." And sat down. A few other people asked questions. Someone said something about Amy Sedaris, and then Stephen said "You mean tumbeling? I never tumbled with Amy. We've known each other so long, she's like my sister..." Then he paused for a little bit and stuttered and then said "Now you've got my thinking about having sex with my sister." And everyone laughed. Someone asked about the ice cream, which he confirmed and said "It's called Ben and Jerry's Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream. And it has little chocolate covered waffle cone bits and a caramel swirl. Delicious. I sent some over to Jon Stewart and he ate half and had sex with the other half." A girl behind me asked him "Do you remember me?" He gave her a look and I thought she was going to be like Crazy McBadHair from the Daily Show, but then when he looked puzzeled, she said "I'm your Asian friend." He said "Oh, well, now I have like, 1 billion of them. They all saw that and all wanted to be my Asian friend. Well, you're the first friend to come back, thank you."

Then he did his belt-kick and started the show.

The cold open went alright. He fucked up the second one, then put his head in his hands and did a Hail Mary. It all went good until he got to 'the Word'. As soon as he started, he stopped and they had to rework it a little bit. He started again, and changed the beginning. He then couldn't say the word papiloma (which I can't spell) and said to us "What? It's not like I'm a doctor." And then stopped it. He started over again, and fucked up around the same spot for the second time. He started the word for a third time, and finally made it through, so we were all cheering happily for that.

There was a whole lot of sex in the first act. He was talking about the NYC Condoms and how, since they use the Subway theme letters, they are promoting sex with/on the subways. He then said "There's only one C Car allowed in my bedroom, and that's me. Next stop, Canal Street." So funny! After he closed the first act he pulled a huge bowl of condoms out from under the desk and threw them at us. I got three, and I gave one to Erika (my roommate, for those who care) and have 2 in my bag.

We got a Sport Report, and he did the Westminster Dog Show, discussed Bill Cosby's dog and the winner. He then did something about the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue, and it was really funny. He also did a Saginaw Spirit thing, which was funny. I forget some of what happened, but it was funny/the best of the 3 times I've been, IMHO.

Kelsey and I danced/sung along to the songs, 'I'm Just a Girl' played, so did the Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies' version of "Science Fiction Double Feature". The camera guy was laughing at us and dancing with us.

He came back and went to interview LAnce Armstrong. At first the interview was a bit awkward, because Lance was giving one word answers. Then they got into the groove and it was good. We cheered him for something he said about winning the Tour de France and the French, and then when he said something about "there not being any good French riders" we all went "ooooohh". Stephen said something about us and the French, and Lance said "Well, I heard there was some French person here. Well, French by heritige" which made me laugh a lot, an Kelsey blushed. The interview was alright (according to Mark is was the better of the really famous people interviews).

Then Stephen did the close. Nothing special for Valentine's Day, unless you count the condoms and all the crazy talk about sex.
I walked to the 50th Street Subway Station with the girls I was with, and we talked a bit. It was awesome and I had a great time.
They were really awesome about the snow, and even though Mark looked confused/mad when he first let us in (probably because I confused him about who was with whom) he was extremely awesome. He also told me he'd look out for my roommates (and my) request, and other stuff.

Girl with condon

Erika, with the Colbert/NYC condom I gave her.

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